Who said I'm pregnant?

I was in the car otw back to the office with my colleague..
at the passanger seat from ikano after buying files and collecting the vacumn cleaner
my phone was ringing..who could it be...KATE?
hmm...regarding what this time?
my program is settled?
actually not..she asked where am I and..
i heard rumours going around,
is it true that you are pregnant and getting married?...
I got a shock of my life ....who would dare say such things?
I was never once in my life pregnant or even at the registration office to get married or
even told my mum that i m going to get married.
I would if i do so...
I wonder which kind soul did such....
My life has nothing to do with them...busybodies...
and worse is spreading rumours that are not true.
This is insane@crazy.
maybe because of this john jas been hesitating on whether i want to continue riding or not?...
I wouldnt blame him for this..
but I am so surprise.
I am 23, still studying....pregnant?NO..
I dont even have a job...
If i would to be a parent I would be a responsible one..
not this way....
WHY?all this rubbish?why?

If only

if only I was still little ,
when i make a mistake,
I can just cry and everything will be okay.
If only i can reverse time,
to patch everything back.
If only I am more patient
when I make a move.
If there's a way to make you happy,
I would.
If there's a way to be happy,
I would try.
but right now i cant think of one.
If I am free ,with loads of money.
I would go somewhere,
far far away where no one can find me.
I need to really think.
To think of what i really want.
I know i want to ride my bike,
but how am I will all this stress.
If only I feel happy.
I am lonely and sad.
I want to be alive like usual...
Right now....it has been 1month
since I have been crying.
I am so tired,
god please let me feel free and happy.
let all the evil go.
If only I can be satisfied with everything
i would be the happiest person on this planet.

I need to focus...

but we're argueing all the time.
before i could finish each sentence you always bud in...
and you say its not important so doesnt matter...
so everything i say is not important to you,
you dont have to listen?
selfish...
There have been many times that I have been patient,
more patient than the person I really am...
Who do u really love deep down inside?
Everything that hurts me has to do with a her...
and you let her...come in the way when u say its over?....
You know the truth that when she was with you, she was unsincered....
and you feel pissed...well face the fact!
She never really loved you or she'll not even do such.
She's an actress but do u want to be an actor to be comparable with her?
you can as long as you want....
I have goals in my life,
I hope that you will just stop argueing with me...
if u think that this relationship is important...
try to listen once is a while....
listening does not mean agreeing....
m just tired and drained out from all this...............
m going to be selfish too from now on....
and if there's something you need you can still tell me.
I'll try my best to help.

New Coach appointed

Now after all I've been through after many times of coach switching...
I believe its again time to change to another coach!
However ofcourse it will be good for a lot of reasons...
Fairoz Izni...developments sprinters coach is now appointed as National squad elite coach..
as an assistant for John Beasley.
The coach I had trained under to set a Malaysian record since 2006 until today.
With the help of both John and Fairoz I think I am more focused and happy.
That most things are falling into place...
Finally god answered my prayers.
I will give my full comitment to prove that I am going to make a strong comeback.
It's to determind on how I feel,
how much I still want it inside myself.
I hope this feelings stay strong within myself to achieve what I really want for this year.
I have been aiming this as because there weren't any other major races available.

Insulted

It's true that I've slacked from training...
I havent lost my appetite...
been putting on weight...
but also lost some back...
went into the dining hall this morning...
this bitch came up to me saying...
GEMUK la ko...and when u remain queit she repeated...
I answered SO?
she said GEMUK diet la...
I said to be like u ? a STICK?..
she answered kurang ajar...means I am being rude....
In the first place who started stupid thing?
I dont even know her name...
and even if I'm fat did i obstruck her life?
Why do Malaysians have such thinking?
why cant they say positive things when seeing each other...
heard your business is good or something....
instead....hey u put on weight ahh....
after years of not meeting up is that what u tell your friend?
It's crazy...and honestly insulting...
If it's a close friend I really think I would feel different over it.

someday

someday,
when i think of you,just thinking of you...
I feel a glow...in every part of you.
sometime,
when the time is slow,
fluttering around the clock so slow....
I have to make my decision soon.
seldom,
memories go apart,
life falls into place...
but we still survive the way we want it to.
because of this everything survives.
patience around the air
being small and low...
having nothing to say...
just have faith in yourself...
love yourself and fullfill your needs

life's complicated

I've been through several interview and realise it's not an easy world out there...
Life's preety challenging and we can only succeed with hardwork.
nothing comes easy.
I think god wants me to continue with my cycling career because I show good potential in it...
even though i havent been training much and everytime I think its time to let go,
there will be something that holds mc back..something that tells me be patient...
and follow your passion.
There's a time for everything .
Nothing is impossible when there's a desire...
but obviously being a model you have to be tall..
that not only comes with desire but also come with genes,natural given by god...