my career on the bike

I really love cycling but because of god knows what politic is going on in msn....
my career in cycling is all over the place.
I can only train on the weekends.
weekdays are all by myself...I have to motivate myself to train...how is that?
Like i said before..i want and will train hard..but now?...
i feel that my coach isnt interested to train us whenever the guys arent around...
i feel really sad and left out...What happened?
Always threatening to get rid of me...and before we all know ...a new member exist without any results....i dont know...isnt for me to say anything but I have feelings too...I trained for many years to be in Elite squad...i earned it...

However...there are no races that is certain or targeted for us...women's endurance cycling is down the drain...with new people who doesnt know to race...it takes years before they gain the amount of experience....to be able to win and produce results for women's cycling...
I dare not speak out...because if I do I am wrong again...
We must just shut our mouths and look happy even if we're not...?
there have been so many riders that left...why?
Doesnt anyone sees why or survery why?
Nobody dares to speak out..because we are scared that our position in the team will be given away if we ever disagree...however any sport...will never expand this way.
This is the problem in Malaysia...

I feel really sad that this is happening...
I am so stressed out...
I really want to achieve my dream of going to olympics someday...
it's something i really want...

What if i train so hard and do not get to go for competitions?
Not send to world cups....will i ever go for olympics?
Obviously the answer is a BIG NOOOO NOO....
you need points to qualify...to be able to go.The more races more chance to qualify...
coz it's points accumulation...

I wish that God will listen and do something....
I am powerless and can say nothing...